Torture vs. Susan Boyle

Would You Prefer...being waterboarded on consecutive days or having intimate relations with singing sensation Susan Boyle?







Boyle does look a lot like a female impersonator. Hmmm. Tough one, but I'd probably introduce Lil' Shawn to Mrs. Doubtfire.

Would You Prefer...Vanessa or Courtney?

Would You Prefer...taking a charge from behemoth Oklahoma basketball player Courtney Paris or being dragon lady Vanessa Bryant's housekeeper for a day?

So you're asking me if I'd rather take a charge from a baby bull or have a smokin' hot twenty-five year old scream at me while I dig through some dirty diapers in the trash? Shit, Kobe has to live with her 24/7, but it would only be a day. Courtney scares me, I'm going with Vanessa.

Would You Prefer...? Swinton or The Speaker

Would You Prefer...having the ghastly Tilda Swinton climb on top of you for a little morning lovin' or being awakened and fellated by Nancy Pelosi?

The Speaker of the House? Man, I wouldn't let that crazy bitch's mouth anywhere near my junk. Tilda may be white as a ghost, but that don't matter. Good thing she's gonna be on top though. What is she, 93 pounds soaking wet? Any other way and I'd break her in two.

Would You Prefer...? Hosted By Shawn Kemp

Welcome to Would You Prefer...? There will be four questions in this inaugural post and Shawn Kemp will provide the correct answers at the end. Away we go...

1) Would You Prefer...being in bloated actor Chris Tucker's skin for a month or spending a week stumbling around in the shoes of a dazed and confused Bud Selig?

2) Would You Prefer...taking whatever Joaquin Phoenix was on during his recent David Letterman appearance or spending some quality time in a bathroom stall with former Atlanta Falcons running back Jamal Anderson?

3) Would You Prefer...having Jayson Williams show you his gun collection at a party in his house or riding in the back seat of Jason Richardson's car along with his 3-year old son?

4) Would You Prefer...nestling in the ample bosom of Christina Hendricks every night for the rest of eternity or having Giada DeLaurentiis from the Food Network's "Every Day Italian" be your personal chef for the next two years?

Here are the correct answers according to former NBA great, Shawn Kemp...

1) Damn, I didn't even recognize Tucker. Dude must have put on 100 lbs. Selig clearly doesn't now which end is up. I'll go with Tuck and the extra weight.

2) Shee-it. Been there done that with Blow. I'm not sure what Anderson was doing in the stall with that other guy. I'm drug-free now, but between the two I'd go with whatever Joaquin took that night.

3) Man, what a rough stretch for Williams. That divorce is going to be a nasty one. It's real close, but I'd have to say going on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride through the streets of Phoenix with JRich.

4) Both of those women are hot. Hmmmmm...I definitely love to eat, but I gotta go with Christina and her "Mad Men" mams.